Where do I begin when discussing recent Celtics play?

Goddamn, it's good to be back.

I had to take a little hiatus from normal life in order to get my studies in order. A week, three all-nighters, and countless cups of coffee later, I'll now be able to write more full-length content. (Rather than the obscenely boring papers I've been writing for finals. It's weird; I love writing about the Celtics, but get me writing a school paper and all of a sudden writing is the worst thing in the world. On second thought, I guess it isn't that odd: Who in the world wants to write 2,000 words discussing the merits and strategies of pharmaceutical benefits managers??? Didn't think so. One more note: I hate coffee. I absolutely despise it. The last cup of coffee I drank, I had to put eight packets of sugar in it. Eight.)

Anyways, since I last wrote a full-length column (I've still been writing blog posts), the Celtics beat the Bucks, Marquis Daniels got hurt, Tony Allen came back, and Big Baby got fitted for a new soft cast. Where, oh where, do I begin?

I could start with Daniels getting hurt, but then I'd have to talk about "Nolan Ryan Rondo" throwing a bullet pass, Eddie House struggling without Daniels' playmaking abilities, and how the next 6-8 weeks are going to really, really suck without Daniels' steady hand and versatility.

Once I got started about the next 6-8 weeks sucking, I'd obviously find my way to Tony Allen. I'd have to talk about the possibility of TA playing extended minutes (Please, God. Just say no.) and eventually wind up discussing how Bill Walker should get those minutes. I'd proceed to wonder why Doc has never given Walker a chance in the lineup, despite the C's desperate need for a backup SF last year, and how Walker has demonstrated the ability to score efficiently at the NBA level. I'd talk about how Walker brings a lot of the same things to the table that Tony Allen does (like drawing fouls, attacking the hoop, athleticism), but doesn't have the incredible brain farts that have plagued Allen thus far. Continuing, I'd state Walker's nice D-League stats so far (18.8 ppg, 6.8 rpg, 48% fg, 33% 3pt) and probably end up on my knees, begging Doc not to play Tony Allen.

Begging Doc over playing time issues would remind me about how he said Big Baby would have to battle Shelden Williams for minutes when he returned from injury, and I'd inevitably wind up explaining why Big Baby is a far better player than Shelden. I'd discuss his better hands, quicker feet, and far more complete offensive repertoire, and then remind you that, last time we saw Big Baby play, he was busy averaging more than 15 and 5 for an entire playoffs. I would finish my argument by writing a simple question, and it would be: Could you ever see Shelden Williams averaging a 15 and 5, over any extended length of time, especially in the playoffs?

Your answer (No way.) would remind me of how I feel about whether Tony Allen should play minutes, and I would remember TA's forgettable performance in his season debut. I would then recall that his season debut was the other night against the Bucks, and continue to discuss my thoughts on the game. I would praise Rajon Rondo and Kevin Garnett for their terrific play, then write about the solid games of Paul Pierce, Rasheed Wallace and Kendrick Perkins.

Writing about Perk's solid play would remind me of how he was torched by Andrew Bogut and, after chuckling to myself about Bogut being a #1 draft pick, I'd remember that he outshone his highly-hyped rookie teammate, Brandon Jennings. I'd argue that Jennings is still an electric player and, even though he shot a horrible percentage from the field against the C's, that his one-handed push floater over the extended arms of big men is a thing of beauty.

But I couldn't talk about the win against the Bucks without then boasting about Boston's current eight-game winning streak. However, once I got started on the win streak, I'd have to caution that no team during the win streak would be considered an elite team. Still, I'd urge you to take pride that the Celtics beat some pretty good teams, and that they beat them on the road.

So where do I start? I can't possibly discuss all that, so how am I going to even begin to talk about everything that's gone on with the Celtics since I had to start my self-imposed studious lockdown?

Oh well, I guess I just won't talk about any of it. After all, I still need to catch up on a whole lot of sleep.